The Goldilocks Problem: How to progress when progress is a limiting factor.
I mentioned in my post in October that I'd been struggling for a few years with an autoimmune condition. Thanks to social media I see more and more that "hidden" and chronic illnesses are something that a lot of us suffer from, especially folks born with an innie. I'm not going to go into the overall debate about certain demographics are more affected by autoimmunity, but I am going to go into what that means for me - a cyclist and someone who has a lot of active hobbies in general.
So how have I managed this over the years? Well as y'all know I've been off the bike and to be completely honest in the last few years cardio & endurance overall has taken a back seat. There's been periods of time where I've managed it, sometimes getting months or even a year or so of time in to train for various things....but it always reaches a point where my body, without warning, forces me to slow down.
So I turned to strength training. While it can place some stress on the body, it's certainly easier to recover from and, as someone entering their late-30's it's a good time to start working on strength overall. I know that I want to be fit, active and as healthy as I can be for as long as I can be and key to that is a good and strong foundation. The best thing about working with a coach on a strength programme is that we can be flexible - we adapt to how my body is responding which has been critical to maintaining consistency even when I'm really sick.
I call it the goldilocks problem (there's already a few of those).
Since late summer I've been trying to ramp into a more consistent training model on the bike, focusing on rebuilding my engine. Along side that, I also strength train 3 times a week working with my very excellent strength coach, Sam at Pursue Performance.
That's all fine and dandy, right? Despite being a bit older now I seem to still recover quite well under stresses, aerobic endurance isn't exactly something that's going to tip me over the edge... right??
Wrong.
One thing that becomes abundantly clear when you have a chronic illness is that stressors are not just going overboard with sprint intervals, or trying to PR every lift in every gym session. Life itself is comprised of what I call hard stressors, soft stressors and everything else. It's a fine balance to manage all of these in a way that your body responds well - especially when you're in a flaring phase and that balance can be so easily tipped. So, let's talk about these categorisations;
That's all fine and dandy, right? Despite being a bit older now I seem to still recover quite well under stresses, aerobic endurance isn't exactly something that's going to tip me over the edge... right??
Wrong.
One thing that becomes abundantly clear when you have a chronic illness is that stressors are not just going overboard with sprint intervals, or trying to PR every lift in every gym session. Life itself is comprised of what I call hard stressors, soft stressors and everything else. It's a fine balance to manage all of these in a way that your body responds well - especially when you're in a flaring phase and that balance can be so easily tipped. So, let's talk about these categorisations;
Hard Stressors
These are things I've already mentioned. They're the tangible things we do to ourselves that we know are exhausting (regardless of if you're 100% healthy or not). They are the things you know are pushing a limit that you have.
- Intervals - more than three HIIT sessions in a week? Yeah that's probably not gonna fly
- Heavy weights - there's a reason we progress slowly when it comes to lifting heavy things!
- Fasting & dieting/poor diet - changing it up in ways that can shock your system aren't great
- Partying & drinking/substance abuse - if this one's not obvious you're reading the wrong blog
Soft Stressors
Now these are the "gotchas" - these are the things that will fuck you up when you're not even looking...and they're everywhere. You can't go through life without encountering these things almost all of the time, and these are the ones that make that balance oh so tricky to strike, especially when your goalposts move consistently (for example, immune flares of varying degrees).
- Social stressors - for example not getting enough time to recoup energy between interactions, this certainly affects me a lot
- Lost sleep - for anyone with kids, pets, in a city centre, you know that sleep is such a precious commodity
- Life stressors - a messy house, not enough hours in the day to complete tasks, meeting expectations, events & choosing what on earth to eat every day
- Work - I feel like in this day and age (the post-pandemic world), everyone seems so much more stressed at work than they used to be, myself included
There's one additional stressor that might be relatable for only a small segment of my audience, and that's the stress of being constantly ill... which is usually because you've encountered one too many stressors that have triggered your condition. Endless hospital visits, tests, putting plans on hold. That cycle is persistent and honestly, I'm not sure it's actually possible to manage well (therapy helps).
The Problem
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| Me managing my health.. |
So I turned to strength training. While it can place some stress on the body, it's certainly easier to recover from and, as someone entering their late-30's it's a good time to start working on strength overall. I know that I want to be fit, active and as healthy as I can be for as long as I can be and key to that is a good and strong foundation. The best thing about working with a coach on a strength programme is that we can be flexible - we adapt to how my body is responding which has been critical to maintaining consistency even when I'm really sick.
Since coming back to the bike it's clear the strength work has really paid off, too. While I've lost a whole bunch of endurance (expected), the overall power numbers are looking pretty damn good. So what is the problem? Well, exactly that. Fitness-wise I'm in a weirdly great place - meaning I can train endurance, cardio & strength and recover well, and that works for a while until... my body once again shuts down.
So then I dial it back a little more, a little more zone 2 a little less sweet spot, more rest days between sessions...but it's too late. Once my body is in a cycle of flares, the space between the goalposts becomes narrower and narrower. That's where I am now, in constant agony, trying my best to get to the gym when I can and squeezing in a recovery ride whenever the pain is low enough to manage one.
Not how I'd hoped my grand comeback to work out, but here we are - one thing you learn with this type of illness is that setbacks are a part of life. You can't feasibly stay optimistic all the time, but you do have to suck it up and manage it eventually.
So then I dial it back a little more, a little more zone 2 a little less sweet spot, more rest days between sessions...but it's too late. Once my body is in a cycle of flares, the space between the goalposts becomes narrower and narrower. That's where I am now, in constant agony, trying my best to get to the gym when I can and squeezing in a recovery ride whenever the pain is low enough to manage one.
Not how I'd hoped my grand comeback to work out, but here we are - one thing you learn with this type of illness is that setbacks are a part of life. You can't feasibly stay optimistic all the time, but you do have to suck it up and manage it eventually.
The Solution
Firstly, with autoimmunity, there generally isn't one... HOWEVER;
There's two things that need to happen here, I am waiting for the specialists at Karolinska Rheumatology & St Eriks Ögonsjukhus (eye hospital) to get around to giving me medication that works and that lets me live an active lifestyle. Unfortunately, the Swedish healthcare system moves exceptionally slowly - so thats just something that will have to take time.
The second thing is, I will eventually need to start working with a coach for the bike. The reason I haven't started with that yet is because of the sheer volatility of this condition. Until I can get medication again, it is a day to day process to see how my body is responding and I would not feel great working with a coach when the demands for adaptability are so high. For strength this works OK because our programming is so uniform, for cycling that's simply a bit trickier.
So right now? I chug along. I do what I can, when I can. Sometimes I have shit weeks, sometimes I don't. I eat strictly, I sleep as much as possible, I'm antisocial most of the time. The key is remaining as consistent as possible. Even if I need to switch days and weeks around and things on the outside may look very scattered - I am still ticking the right boxes over time. Every mile pedalled is a mile in the right direction and that's all that matters.
Anyway, this was more of a rant because I'm frustrated with my body right now - but here's hoping by next season I can get to some TTs and by then we're having a way different conversation. However it looks by then, despite the pain and the swelling and the constant battle, I am proud of myself and I am proud of what I am able to do despite the challenge.
Progress might fuck me up from time to time, but it's still progress.
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| Commuting on Frank the Tank helps! |
The second thing is, I will eventually need to start working with a coach for the bike. The reason I haven't started with that yet is because of the sheer volatility of this condition. Until I can get medication again, it is a day to day process to see how my body is responding and I would not feel great working with a coach when the demands for adaptability are so high. For strength this works OK because our programming is so uniform, for cycling that's simply a bit trickier.
So right now? I chug along. I do what I can, when I can. Sometimes I have shit weeks, sometimes I don't. I eat strictly, I sleep as much as possible, I'm antisocial most of the time. The key is remaining as consistent as possible. Even if I need to switch days and weeks around and things on the outside may look very scattered - I am still ticking the right boxes over time. Every mile pedalled is a mile in the right direction and that's all that matters.
Anyway, this was more of a rant because I'm frustrated with my body right now - but here's hoping by next season I can get to some TTs and by then we're having a way different conversation. However it looks by then, despite the pain and the swelling and the constant battle, I am proud of myself and I am proud of what I am able to do despite the challenge.
Progress might fuck me up from time to time, but it's still progress.
🥳🥳👏👏
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